Darkness seeps in...

It was amazing the difference a couple of days made in the pathetic remaining daylight this morning. I no longer need to open my blinds because I leave before it is light out and I come home after it is dark. My bookends are black and I'M BEGINNING TO GO cRaZy!!

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw 5 suns on the forecast, last Monday. We don't get five days of sunlight in a row here, I thought I was in Colorado, not Wisconsin. I did my best to get outside during my lunch break, and I think I even got a little sun-kissed putting on my make up in the porch on Thanksgiving, but it wasn't enough.

I'm not sure which is more frustrating: the simple fact that there is so little light and so much dark, or the fact that I feel like the darkness puts an insane curfew on what I deem safe to do in this city (not that I always follow it). I'm leaning towards the latter - it saddens me that I even have to worry about watching my back when I get off the bus early to get some air, in the evening, and it infuriates me that no one seems to care. YOUR WOMEN DON'T FEEL SAFE IN THE DARKNESS AND YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE!

Ah, thanks. I've wanted to voice that for a long time. Now, I'm off to shave my legs and maybe find a kick boxing class to take again. Couldn't hurt, unless you cross me, then you should be certain it would :)

Packing for a Sleepover

- pajamas: check!
- camera: check!
- sleeping bag: check!
- booze: check!
- post(townie)bar game: check!

I can't believe we're going to camp out in Tiff's basement like the old days - well huh, I was going to say that I guess it's a little different now with the booze and all, but as Tiff's basement toilet can testify, that's really not all that different from Junior/Senior year of high school. What will be different is the whole townie bar/not-have-to-hide-the-fact-that-we're-smashed from Tiff's parents experience. Ah, the holidays! Happy Thanksgiving.

Dear Madison,

As I sat on the bus yesterday composing this letter to you in my head, it struck me how appropriate it was that the lyrics "This city's made us crazy and we must get out!" happened to be playing on my mp3 player. I don't think I'm at that point yet, Madison, however you are pushing me away and I'm not sure what will become of our future anymore.

I remember the exact moment that I fell in love with you. It wasn't until my junior year of college when I was staring at a crack in your pavement and I had this overwhelming sense of "home." When you go to college because you have to, because it is the next logical step and you can't come up with any good alternatives, and you don't have a clue what you like or dislike it is a wonderful feeling to finally feel like you belong - like you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. I had always thought I'd leave you, as soon as possible, to go somewhere warm. Let's face it, as much as anyone tries to believe that the winter here is "fun" or "tolerable" we've all had moments where we've thought: "This fucking sucks, why the hell do I live here?" After I fell in love with you, I knew I was in trouble. It would be hard enough to ever leave the people I love, but now I'd be leaving a city I loved as well.

Things started getting rocky this past year. A (presumably) drunk, idiot smashed into my car and drove away without a care in the world. As should be expected, your police department could do nothing for me and I had a hard time forgiving the attack. I know I never should have brought a car into our relationship. In all honesty, you hate cars -- all of your odd one-ways make it a clusterfuck for out-of-towners and parking for residents is a big joke. I knew all of this, but I'm trying to grow up a little, and that requires not making your parents and your friends drive you everywhere. Why can't you respect that?

Then, the whole situation worsened when school was back in session this fall. Is everyone accepted at your university these days? I was blown away and continue to be disgusted by all of the puke on the sidewalks! Seriously! I witnessed a lot of puking in my college days but we at least made it to a bush if not an actual toilet or garbage can a lot of the time. Projectile vomiting in public must be some sort of sport with the new class, cool. Not to mention, I moved into a building occupied by college girls. College Girls: often semi-nerdy, like to study, are respectful of the apartment and their neighbors. NOT. These girls like to pass out with all of their lights on with the door of their apartment wide open while their belligerent, asshole, boyfriends ring my doorbell incessantly exactly one half hour before my alarm is to go off. That was SO not cool. I know I'm not in school anymore, but I just wanted to live downtown and be close to you and you are making it incredibly difficult.

I've been disappointed by your actions, or lack there of, for a while, still what you did this week really hurt the most. When Doug and I found his car, Victor, with a front headlight and a rear brake light smashed in and the words "FUCK YOU" keyed into the side, besides wanting to hurt someone, I felt violated and hopeless (I am not kidding you, Doug said I can take pictures, so stay tuned for that). I never realized you had that kind of hate inside you. I'm not sure if it's something you are willing to change, and if not, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to go on loving you like I did.

Yours,
~Steph

but it's not FAIR!

Life's not fair. I've decided my growing hostility towards people, as of late, has to do with the fact that cheaters always win. They bend, break and completely disregard the rules and always end up on the plus side for it. Me, on the other hand:

- I wait my turn at the end of the line when I know the bouncer.
- I don't give my last name at a restaurant owned by family.
- I've never kissed ass for grades I wasn't smart enough to earn.

What do I have to show for it? RAGING HATRED. Today I contemplated easing this burning desire to beat cheaters, by becoming one of them. Maybe, instead of whining about getting the short end of the stick all the time, I should just jump right in and play dirty. I'm a Sociology major for chrissake! Why not put all of those years spent learning how to manipulate people to good use?!

...because, I can't. I'd forever feel guilty about possibly cheating the minority of people out there who do follow the rules. How on Earth did I ever acquire such ridiculous morals? I totally SUCK.

The Marriage Amendment

disappointed. embarrassed. sad.


- I can only hope that in the future, our kids will be saying, "Wow, I can't believe people were so ignorant and hateful in 2006, good thing they eventually came around."

November?

I like to pretend it is actually spring, now and then, during fall. It helps me not feel SADD Finding flowers like this in November only serves to encourage my delusion. I think "Oh! Look at the spring flowers blooming!" Not to mention, predicted temps of close to 70 for Wednesday might make me bust out the shorts for rollerblading. See, it is not my brain that is making me crazy, it is my environment.

Speaking of -- GET OUT AND VOTE TOMORROW! (Unless, you are going to vote like an ignorant asshole, then just stay home and do the human race a favor) gasp!

Badger Game with Dad

GO BIG RED!

Dad's first beer bong - back in the good ole days...miss that place, and I miss my friends.

Where are you all?

Dancin' with OurSellHelves

I think that's a pretty good way to sum up Boston and what we did while we were there.

That's me, Burnsy, and Bridget - Em's roomie - she's hot. Both of Em's roomies were hot, and awesome, as well. Plain to see that Emily attracts cool people wherever she goes.
The Train Gang: Our fabulous foursome. So, did we decide if I'm outta' The Pact, or not?? I don't know what to say about this picture... Sorry, Norm.

Splendid. I should thank Timmy for providing me with these pics, I couldn't be bothered with the responsibility of a camera for this trip. This was my favorite view from the 50th floor of the Prudential Tower. I loved this scene and I was pleased to see my hand reflected in the bottom, left, corner -- almost as if it is touching the reflecting pool, which I could have reflected in for hours.

Thanks again for all of the memories, kids. An adventure, as always.