Am I a morning person?

That's highly doubtful. I blame my morning insomnia on Jamaica -- that's where it all started. When we went there for Spring Break, many moons ago, we would start drinking and carrying on quite early in the day and last late into the night. Still, every morning when the sun would rise, at lord knows what time (we had not a single clock) I would be up and ready to go. I'd wake Carly and, on more than one occasion, we were some of the first people on the beach.

I know having a lot of things on my mind lately has something to do with it too. It's like I'll wake up at 5am WIDE AWAKE and pick right up speculating about things exactly where I left off the day before. I seem to have completely broken the Off switch in my brain.

I tell myself on the days when trying to go back to sleep seems futile that if I "functioned" in Jamaica like this, I can "function" here. However, I don't have a sandy beach out my front door, or even the gift of sunshine today and something tells me a little more sleep couldn't hurt in preparation for the partying. One more swig of chocolate milk (my insomnia remedy) and I'm off to find Mr. Sandman...and possibly beat the shit out of him.

More Mifflin Memories

My very first Mifflin Street Block Party, freshman year of college, we made some shitty, warm, rum (I believe), mixed drinks in our dorm room, before we left. We sat on our de-lofted beds (so convenient for when we stumbled home that evening and passed out) and sucked down our beverages. Then, at around 10am we went down to Mifflin. Everything is a little foggy after that, but one thing I'll never forget (and my Bro will never let me forget) is what happened after I spotted my Brother across the street, it was his senior Mifflin, with a bunch of his college friends, some who had yet to meet me. I waved and as I went to cross the street my sandal malfunctioned and I sorta' tripped off of the curb. My Brother says he turned to his friends and said, "...and that's my sister!" I did make it across the street and I told him I wasn't tanked (hmm) it was just that my sandal does that -- he'll never believe me.

I can remember little things about every year, who was there, how long we made it, who puked, but I came across this silly little poem I wrote after my sophomore Mifflin, and I had to post it because just reading it again freshens my memories from that year and makes me excited about tomorrow.

Mifflin Weekend

Woke up today - random songs in my head,
tried to remember all the shit that I did.

Friday night it was party time,
drank it up with good friends of mine.

Saturday started with some mixed nuts,
I had some strange bruises and a few cuts.

We rallied our troops and got some eats,
peace and marijuana rallies on State Street.

Off to Mifflin we were headed,
the thought of alcohol we kinda’ dreaded.

Caught up with some people we haven't seen in a while,
found Timmy and Neibs who flew in from OHIO.

The weather was perfect, the mood was just right,
I almost wish I'd stayed late into the night.

But Arrested Development we had to see
and let me say: "It was pert-near keeey!"

Was a crazy weekend, great seeing you all!
Now back to bed - I may have to crawl.

Mifflin 2005 Vids

Intro


Lush Lunch


Drunken Dinner

Happy Administrative Professionals Day

Oops! I MEAN Happy Birthday Carlita Mae Carlsbad Carlisle Lita! Again, the supply was endless when I started looking for good Bday pics to post. This one was taken a year ago, last winter, at Robby's cabin. I told you and Jayna to smush your faces on the glass table so I could take your pictures from underneath. You two were so willing and able :) It looks like you're stuck in the computer screen = I love it.

You were the one who put on the cape and started yelling that.

Ooo, in this Halloween 2003 pic you were pretending that you disapproved of my devious behavior.

Ah, but by Halloween 2005 you were once again letting me take shots from your bosom.

Hope you have a great day today, Crazy. Looking forward to celebrating tonight.

Love ya,

~BaNeens

Curious Feet

Curious about what happened to the tree (looks like disease). Curious about any further action to eliminate this eyesore of a stump (chemicals? digging? burning?). This is just an example of how distracted I've been lately. I go as far as to think up hypothetical conversations and scenarios, in detail - that would never happen - and I completely disregard what I'm supposed to be doing. I know this happens to everyone from time to time, but even already this morning for instance: I woke up to my alarm, put on my glasses, and turned on some tunes for background music as I was planning to make coffee and breakfast. Then, I sat down at my computer to check & respond to emails, do some job search stuff, and now I sit here blogging! Not to mention, starving! As time dwindles down for when I planned on having a job, I feel like the days are just flying by. I'm digging my heels in to try to slow the spinning of the world and all I can think about are things like tree stumps.

A day at the Zoo

It has been quite some time since I was a regular at the Zoo. My Grandpa used to take me there frequently when I was a little kid. He always pushed me in my stroller, even when I was way old enough to walk, grandpas are awesome that way. I believe we were both giraffe fans, as I remember us often stopping to watch them (this could have been due to their proximity to the drinking fountains, but who knows?).

Josh and I noticed a lot of animal pairs, but sadly, we did not come across any babies. I was also saddened by how subdued the animals seemed. Some animals had the word "vanishing" (what ever happened to "endangered"?) next to their descriptions so I suppose it is safer for them in captivity, but I couldn't help feeling a little sorry for them anyway.

I think this picture is interesting. Initially, I was disappointed that the camera had focused on the fence, instead of the lion, however, after thinking back to how I felt about seeing all of the animals in their cages, I thought it was an accurate portrayal of the environment.

This guy, and his buddies, were probably the most entertaining. They were actually moving around and interacting. I could have watched them for hours. Again, the focus is off -- I never used my flash so as not to further disturb the animals -- regardless, I like the way it turned out.

These two are cotton-top tamarins, and I'd have to say our favorite new friends at the Zoo. They are among the smallest monkeys in the world and with their mullet-esque hair I couldn't help falling in love with them (they are also "vanishing").

~~~

It brought back a lot of pleasant memories being at the Zoo, I am certainly going to visit again soon. I was surprised at the amount of empathy I felt for all of the critters, and I must admit that they all seemed very well taken care of. It is a strange thing, having your life on display for the world to observe...hmm.

Flowers for Me

I finally have a use for the blue vase :) I went a little crazy with the photo editing, but flowers tend to do that to me. They make me a little crazy, in a good way, of course. Thank you Douglas.

Classic

Talking to Sarah before her interview today:

Yeah, I was telling the girls that I'm thinking about wearing a low-cut shirt so they know that I'm ready and willing to sleep my way to the top!

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Not everyone gets a B-day post, because honestly there are just too damn many of ya', but when I have pictures like this - it is completely beyond my control. You wouldn't believe how many pics I have where Robby is sticking his tongue out (it's even worse than Mikey). If I posted all of them, people would think he's special. Of course, his friends all know the, um... truth.

This picture, is a fav -- Robby is being violated, while passed out, after I left him in an alley because he was being obnoxious and he somehow found his way to my apartment anyway. I slept on the aerobed in the living room, got up the next day, ate breakfast, showered, and got ready before he even moved. I finally woke him because I was going somewhere around 2pm that afternoon and I wanted to lock up.

Alright, I'll end it with a not-so-crazy one. Happy Birthday you big butthead.

~BKP

Middle School

I did a crazy thing today. I went back to middle school! Jill & I went to visit my friend Katie, who currently teaches there, and we ended up spending over an hour bopping around feeling old. It was kind of nuts going back there...I've never gone back to my high school. My high school and I had what I would describe as sort of a "friends with benefits" relationship: we both took what we needed from each other and there was no love-loss when we parted ways. Middle school, however, middle school was different somehow.

I tried to picture what it was like to be there. They had closed in a lot of the classrooms (turns out the Open Classroom Environment didn't work that great for a bunch of noisy tweens) and the lockers are actually BIGGER now. I remembered how my friendships solidified, deteriorated, and re-grouped -- sometimes all in one day, and I remembered not really thinking boys were all that great -- at least, not boys my age. I also remembered being extremely pleased when I had an E.N.U.F. sweatshirt for every single day of the week.

We saw another friend of ours, Al, who is student teaching there and we found our old band teacher, who happened to be napping at the time, which was fun since he's one of the only ones I feel guilty about not visiting at my high school. Before we left, I even made us stop in to see our old science teacher who made my heart stop 10 years ago. It was absolutely ridiculous -- Jill and I must have passed his classroom 5 times before we actually went in. We were total middle schoolers, no, we were worse than that! I can't believe we were so nervous, but he's still gorgeous..sigh. As we left the building skipping and giggling like twelve year olds Jill said that she had broken out in a nervous sweat talking to him and I noted that I still felt like I was blushing. GOODNESS.

Sadly, my favorite teacher, my 5th grade teacher, passed away a few years ago. To this day, I believe that the most important things I ever learned in school, I learned from him. I never got to tell him that, I only bawled at his memorial service, but I think that he knew in some way.
- He told us to own up to it if we ever got pulled over for speeding and apologize like crazy. I've been pulled over 3 times, I've received 0 tickets.
- He had us read and reenact Shakespeare and he built a stage so we could create elaborate puppet shows.
- He taught us about volcanoes and earthquakes, Africa & Indonesia -- all things he had first-hand experience with.
- He made us fill out job applications for Dairy Queen and said that if anyone did it 100% correct, he'd take us all out for ice cream. One kid came close I think.
- He explained the value of insurance and gave an example about how he'd increased the deductible on his boat right before a storm ruined it.
- He thought the mandatory DARE program was bogus.
- He stood on his head and told us our checks for the book order were to be made out to him so that we would remember. I'll never forget that.
- He asked us what we would do in the occurrence of life changing events, and he told us what he would do, openly and honestly.
- He came to my best friend's Mom's funeral and it meant a lot to her (and to me).
- He expected better from me and he had the insight to tell me and my parents that I was lazy with my potential and that I was smarter than that. I'll never forget that, either.

A lot of things on my mind...

...and I'm trying not to let this be one of them: my doctor talked to me about getting genetic testing done to determine if I'll be likely to get breast cancer in the future. She went through all of the Pros and Cons to going through with it (being aware, insurance issues, etc.) and her words just keep swimming around in my head.

My Mom had a tiny cancerous lump removed when I was in high school and my paternal Grandma had a much more serious surgery when she had breast cancer. They are both cancer-free and have been for years. I talked to my Mom about it on Easter and she said that she'd gone to see a geneticist after her bout with breast cancer and they had informed her that my likelihood of getting it really didn't increase at all based on all of the variables. I had thought that was the case, so I'm not all that concerned about my future.

However, the thing that is getting to me, is just the idea of knowing. I can't fathom how knowing such a thing would ever be good for someone. Especially, if that person is already taking the available precautions. For me personally, I always disliked getting grades on exams or papers back in the middle of the semester. I figured if it was a good grade, I wouldn't want it to alter the effort I'm putting forth, and, if it was a bad grade, I wouldn't want it to alter the effort I'm putting forth! Plus, if it was bad I never saw the point in ruining a perfectly good day.

I guess that's the way I feel about the whole genetic testing thing, if I'm already aware of the risk and managing it properly, what's the point in finding out that I don't have to be so cautious (I'm not more likely to get it), or, finding out that it is highly possible and shitting all over a perfectly good day?

Brown Boogers

I'm sitting at a public park today, reading my new book, when I notice the words are being attacked by brownish, miniscule, particles of debris. I look up to see this landscaping crew infiltrating my camp. Before I can take any protective action, I'm covered in a layer of the finest mulch known to man. It's in my hair, my eyes, stuck to my lip gloss, and building a colony down the front of my shirt. As I'm trying to assess the situation and map out my escape route I overhear one of the workers telling this stupid story about how he got pulled over for drunk driving and how he "gave the cop a hard time."

Besides being annoyed by this subtle takeover, I'm also perplexed by a couple of things:

1st: Does it make any sense to spread dust-mulch on an incredibly windy day? Are some people so incapable of adapting that they can't think "Hmm, I know we planned on spreading mulch today, but maybe a calmer day would be better..." or "Perhaps this mulch is ridiculous and we should purchase something that actually stays where it is placed..." ?

AND

2nd: If you are conscious enough to realize your mulch is of the dispense & disperse variety, yet, are still impossibly bound by the constraints of The Plan and, thus, unable to make any intelligent changes, then is it too much to, I don't know, warn innocent bystanders that you're going to be executing pointless landscaping and advise them that they may wish to move if they're not interested in planting a garden in their shirt!?

Ok, so mostly I'm just peeved that my 35 cent rootbeer, which I walked an extra 4 blocks to purchase, was ruined after only a few sips, but seriously,

SERIOUSLY!

SPOILED

Me: So Dad, we're taking my car in tomorrow morning right?
Dad: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Me: Alright, then call me before you leave to make sure I'm alive.
Dad: Ok, yeah... What are we gonna' do with my car?
Me: Well, you could park it on my street for two hours. Or, we could both drive to the shop and then, you could, I dunno, take me out to breakfast or sumthin' while we wait? (princess daughter smile)
Dad: Yeah. Well, I mean, you don't have to come with, I could always --
Me: -- Oh C'MON! I'm frickin' unemployed, I'm going with you to get my car checked (expletives) and that's that!

Happy Easter

ME & CARLY, EASTER 2004

Definitely pumped about today: Dad has the mexican dip and the guacamole ready to go, and Lita and I picked up ingredients to make pink russians (= white russians with an Easter twist). It will be a day of pool playing, eating, drinking, lounging & hanging out with the parents, my brother, Grammy, my aunt, uncle, & baby Coopy, and our guests Carlita & Douglas. Hope everyone has a lovely Easter.

Spring Feet

Alternative titles for this post: Blading Feet, Second-Skin Feet, Happy Feet, Fav Transportation Mode Feet, Lucky Feet -- you get the idea. I feel kinda' funny when I'm rollerblading with my "got protection?" shirt on (Yes, it's a shirt from a Spring Break, but it's for sunscreen you dirty mind) and I have absolutely zero, zilch, nada, nothing on for protecting my body ...except for, interestingly enough, sunscreen.

Today was beautiful and I'm almost ready to accept having Winter when I get to have a Spring day like this (almost). After blading, I met up with Tiff and Carly and we soaked up some sun together = so much fun. This last one is of me trying to take a picture of Tiff's buttcrack and her trying to stop me, party pooper.

at the Bucks Game

My family has developed this annoying habit of harassing me when I'm not answering my cellphone. They'll call once, usually will not leave a message, and then call again only minutes later. If I am able to restrain myself from answering both calls, my imagination will eventually get the best of me and I'll end up calling them back as I'm positive they have news of someone dying or getting married. This is the message my Dad left me last night when we were enjoying the Bucks game:

7:30pm
This is your Dad
I'm watching the Bucks game here
and I'm wonderin' where in the hell ya' are
and whatcha got on
if you call us and I can ah,
ya' know,
try 'n' look for ya'
er maybe I can't see ya'
cuz we don't know where da hell ya' are
but if you are somewhere
where we can see ya'
-- call me and lemme know

Of course, I caved and called them back. I know my Dad can't resist looking for people he knows at sporting events, sometimes I think he gets a bigger kick out of it than watching the actual game! When I called, my Mom answered and said "Oh, how politically correct of you not to answer your phone when you're at an event!" I've been trying to explain to her that your cellphone is not The Holy Ruler of your life and you do not have to answer it when you are say driving, working, or showering (baby steps). Anyway, I don't really think it had anything to do with political correctness, perhaps, appropriate social conduct, but whatever.

Just so you all know, I will no longer be responding to the 2-call harassment method, it will surely take at least 3 calls now, SO THERE.

Seeing Sunspots

In relation to the post I did about remembering who you were/are, I randomly came across this quote by Henry Miller: "I believe at a certain age it becomes imperative to reread the books of childhood and youth. Else we may go to the grave not knowing who we are or why we lived." It struck me as oddly appropriate and I think adds to what I was trying to say before.

~~~

I had a wonderful time today, which only adds to the urgency of finding a job. I bladed 4 miles to one of my favorite spots where I stopped to eat lunch and read my book. It was awesome, I couldn't believe how hot it felt outside. I kept telling myself that years of Arcticesque winters had caused my body to believe that this weather was hot, honestly though, it was quite warm out, at the very least. After I bladed the 4 miles back home, relaxed, showered, and ate dinner I still hadn't had enough of being outside. I took my book to a location with a view of the water and read until it was too dark to see the words. It was at that point that I started to feel like I was on vacation. I just felt so calm and peaceful -- obviously this needs to stop. Being on vacation doesn't really equal being productive...that is unless, you call having perfectly manicured and polished toenails being productive.

guiding light

I got choked up when I was driving into town tonight with this view welcoming me home. It is so weird to have a car downtown, it's weird to have a car period! I haven't had my own vehicle since high school really. I was apprehensive about ever taking my Mom's car. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful, dependable, and awesome. I've just been strictly a walker (and rollerblader) for so long this whole world of road rage and painstaking parking is foreign to me. It's time though, time to grow up a little, time to have more freedom & independence, time to figure everything out -- alright, so maybe that's taking it a little too far. In any case, I'm so frickin' grateful for the car, for everything. I bought my Mom & Dad a cheap bottle of wine for spaghetti dinner tonight as a small token of my appreciation. Mom told me that it was so sweet of me and that I truly didn't have to do that, I told her to shut up.

Memory Loss

I'm a little shocked and puzzled when I read some things I've written over the years. Initially, I look back to reminisce -- to laugh at a goofy story I chronicled, to see if I still remember the tune to a sissy song I composed. Then, I'll come across feelings I completely forgot about (repressed?) ever having. I can't decide if the astonishment comes from not remembering having had such strong/peculiar feelings, or if it comes from the painful realization that I was actually that person at one time.

Still, some of it I find amusing: I used the term "bangable" at age 15 to describe a boy even though I was a LONG way off from "banging" anything! Nonetheless, it repulses and intrigues me to think that I would have completely lost those memories, those details about me/my life, had I not stumbled across them years later.
Did I lose those fragments because once I wrote them down I could delete them from my head?

Or,

do we all walk around with no real clue about who we were 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago?

Which is worse? Sometimes, I think the past wouldn't haunt me nearly as much if I didn't insist on documenting every second's passing... but, then again, what's the point of life if you don't remember what you've done or who you were? (I'm certainly open to opinions on this)

~~~

Tallulah Bankhead once said, "It's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have time." If that's true, then I am, and always have been, a sickeningly good girl.

Spring Fever

Unfortunately, this is an old photo -- these are not lilacs in my possession. I made them my background today and I thought it'd be nice to share. Yes, that is a giant margarita glass that they are in, why on earth they are not in that lovely, blue, vase with the Styrofoam cup in it, I do not know. I searched my photo files today for a more recent lilac display (where the lilacs are in the blue vase), however, I could not find the pic I swear I took last Spring. Oh well, I guess this will do for now. I am desperately craving fresh lilacs. It is a little early yet, and now I don't have the convenience of fresh lilacs out my front door, plus, the house I used to steal them from in this area of town has long been torn down for high-rise apartments = cool. I will have to go in search of a new location to pillage. I could really use the sweet scent of lilacs to wake me up on a day like today. Currently, I think I am on the verge of falling victim to a Cloud Induced Coma.

Would YOU hire me?

This is me in my #1 interview outfit. You can't tell, but the pants are black with silver pinstripes and my gray tank underneath has tiny silver sparkles. Ok, so I love my new professional clothes! When my mom started talking about shopping for some "POWER Outfits" as she likes to say, I felt a little queasy. For some reason, the only thing that came to mind when she said "POWER Outfits" was a vision of a bright purple pants suit with hideous shoulder pads = barf. I was quite shocked when we actually did go shopping and she suggested looking at skirts. Skirts? Skirts can be work appropriate? Mind you, the skirts I previously purchased ranged from short-casual to skank-dressy (trust me, there's a difference). Believe it or not, I did actually find a beautiful, classy, brown and beige skirt that not only covers my rear end - it almost covers my knees (and on me, rear end to knees is the longest expanse of flesh and bone on the planet).

Anyway, in real news, things are starting to turn around in the ole job hunt. I actually feel like I might have some exciting prospects on the table. Just think of all the new clothes I'll be able to buy with a new job! Gross, how come when I say things that I think will make others nauseous they completely backfire? In all seriousness I am not a shopper. I slipped my freshman year when Jen and Julia forced me to like shopping, luckily, I came to my senses when I was saving for Jamaica my junior year and no purchase was justifiable.

Keep your fingers crossed, and I'll keep you posted on The Possible End to Steph's Retirement.

More LaXative

My face turned a little red when I got to my inbox today and found an email from Timmy with the title: Me-Oh-My-Oh, freer than bird cause I'm rockin O-HI-O!!! It appears that I was making phone calls from the bar again. Usually, I enjoy voicemails from Emily where drunkenness is concerned and it has been brought to my attention that I fall victim to drunk voicemail singing as well, from time to time. Why don't these things come with breathalizers? After seeing Tooth's email I recalled that I did feel it was urgent to call and sing "Around the World" to Timmy's voicemail last night (the say Wisconsin and Ohio, c'mon!).

On our way up to La Crosse last weekend we got a little giddy towards the end of the drive and we were belting out Chili Peppers with the back window down, the heat on, drumming on every surface in the truck -- we must've looked absolutely nutso. The drive did fly by, however.

Obviously, the nuttiness continued at Jay's. My sign originally said something not very nice, but you couldn't read it and it was meant for Mikey, so I put something more appropriate on there for Lita.Having fun Rah? Her shirt says, "I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome" = love it. That's why I'm trying to point to it for the picture.

Ah yes, the last of Mikey's new Spring coat. He decided it should be left at the bar because ever since he declared that he would not go back to wearing a Winter jacket as it was now Spring our weather has been crappy. Still waiting on some consistently nice weather...

Thanks for all of the pics kids! We know I love my new camera, but I also love being an irresponsible drunk now and then too. To quote my friend Ryan, "I'm all about minimizing responsibility in my life right now." Well, that doesn't totally apply to me anymore, almost though.

LaX a week ago

I haven't drunk blogged in a while. Since I was just talking about my Mikey and my Carlita I thought that I may as well post another stellar shot of us. These two were my inspirations to go out tonight, I had so much fun with everyone, and I have them to thank. Hope I sleep until noon I MEAN hope everyone had a great time, call me for brunch, although I may be chilling to rest up for the evening ;)

Sometimes

I doubt myself, and then I hear country music. At that point I realize that if those kinds of songs can make it and those singers are successful, then everyone has a chance.

This was the (somewhat bizarre) thought that kept circulating in my head at the Wisconsin Film Festival last night. The film we watched really had nothing to do with country music, at all. This thought process is just an example of how delusional I get when I'm hungry.

Another example is the fact that I decided last night that I would not be going out tonight (also irrational). You see, I sometimes get this insatiable hunger (hormonal?) I had been eating all day -- I'm a grazer, meals are for when I'm too busy to graze -- and before we went out I made a substantial bowl of cheerios. Not very exciting, but I figured cheerios are supposed to have everything one needs for fuel, well they don't. Hunger consumed me until about 2am when I made a mad dash to T-bell only to find that 100 other drunks had the same idea, THE NERVE. I ran from T-bell yelling "I can't do this, I just CAN'T do this.." and ended up finding pizza for the third time this week.
Of course I'm going out tonight, like I can resist those mugs. This photo is titled "Hands to Home" and that is my thug face and, yes, Mike always has his tongue out. Time to go make some food and stuff myself until I'm uncomfortable so I'm ready for the mayhem that is Mikey and Carlita. The plan for this evening is as follows: eat, drink, and be merry, damnit.