Dear Madison,

As I sat on the bus yesterday composing this letter to you in my head, it struck me how appropriate it was that the lyrics "This city's made us crazy and we must get out!" happened to be playing on my mp3 player. I don't think I'm at that point yet, Madison, however you are pushing me away and I'm not sure what will become of our future anymore.

I remember the exact moment that I fell in love with you. It wasn't until my junior year of college when I was staring at a crack in your pavement and I had this overwhelming sense of "home." When you go to college because you have to, because it is the next logical step and you can't come up with any good alternatives, and you don't have a clue what you like or dislike it is a wonderful feeling to finally feel like you belong - like you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. I had always thought I'd leave you, as soon as possible, to go somewhere warm. Let's face it, as much as anyone tries to believe that the winter here is "fun" or "tolerable" we've all had moments where we've thought: "This fucking sucks, why the hell do I live here?" After I fell in love with you, I knew I was in trouble. It would be hard enough to ever leave the people I love, but now I'd be leaving a city I loved as well.

Things started getting rocky this past year. A (presumably) drunk, idiot smashed into my car and drove away without a care in the world. As should be expected, your police department could do nothing for me and I had a hard time forgiving the attack. I know I never should have brought a car into our relationship. In all honesty, you hate cars -- all of your odd one-ways make it a clusterfuck for out-of-towners and parking for residents is a big joke. I knew all of this, but I'm trying to grow up a little, and that requires not making your parents and your friends drive you everywhere. Why can't you respect that?

Then, the whole situation worsened when school was back in session this fall. Is everyone accepted at your university these days? I was blown away and continue to be disgusted by all of the puke on the sidewalks! Seriously! I witnessed a lot of puking in my college days but we at least made it to a bush if not an actual toilet or garbage can a lot of the time. Projectile vomiting in public must be some sort of sport with the new class, cool. Not to mention, I moved into a building occupied by college girls. College Girls: often semi-nerdy, like to study, are respectful of the apartment and their neighbors. NOT. These girls like to pass out with all of their lights on with the door of their apartment wide open while their belligerent, asshole, boyfriends ring my doorbell incessantly exactly one half hour before my alarm is to go off. That was SO not cool. I know I'm not in school anymore, but I just wanted to live downtown and be close to you and you are making it incredibly difficult.

I've been disappointed by your actions, or lack there of, for a while, still what you did this week really hurt the most. When Doug and I found his car, Victor, with a front headlight and a rear brake light smashed in and the words "FUCK YOU" keyed into the side, besides wanting to hurt someone, I felt violated and hopeless (I am not kidding you, Doug said I can take pictures, so stay tuned for that). I never realized you had that kind of hate inside you. I'm not sure if it's something you are willing to change, and if not, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to go on loving you like I did.

Yours,
~Steph