Happy Mardi Gras!

I had a strange dream about fortune cookies the other night, 4 of us were out for Chinese and 3 out of 4 fortunes in our cookies were the same. Of course, I can't remember what any of them were, but this was mine today:

Pretty crazy, plus my favorite number, 23, is on there! I like to think I'm not superstitious, although I did find two fortunes in my desk drawer when I was cleaning yesterday, they said:

There is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead for you.

and

All the news you receive will be positive and uplifting.

Still, my favorite fortune was the one I had taped up on my monitor at work which said:

You have strong, personal ideas and convictions. Treasure them.

Ha, obviously I'm a big fan of the complimentary, encouraging, fortunes -- go figure. Well, I guess I won't change out of my green to celebrate Mardi Gras this evening...no, not superstitious at all.

thinking too much

I as make a more concentrated effort to determine what it is I want to do, as opposed to what I could stand doing (yes, I know sometimes you have to do something you don't love to eventually do something you love) I've been trying to sort out in my head what I like and dislike, what my hobbies/skills are, and the most daunting -- where I see myself in the future. In the past, that phrase alone would be enough to make me crumble to the floor and start convulsing, however, I'm trying to face reality and be practical about things... oh man, did I really just say that? I hope that admission does not qualify me for grown-up status.

One example of this new introspection occurred last night, as I was eating my TV dinner of Fettuccini Alfredo and drinking juice straight from the carton I started wondering what exactly my meal said about me. Seriously, probably nothing more than that I was too hungry to make something real and I get deranged satisfaction from finishing off the carton and not having to use a glass, neat.

Another example, is the following word list. I've kept a document on my computer (since the beginning of last spring?) that I can access quickly to check spelling (also, is it one word or two?)/find synonyms for posts, away messages, handwritten notes when I'm too busy to bother with my "Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus." Some of them are obvious, though I frequently second guess my spelling or usage. ANYWAY, I even took it upon myself to analyze the list (ridiculous).

Daiquiris
Truelove
Endeavor
Pageant
each other
Requiem
Tornado
Tornadoes
Tornados
Missile
Counterintuitive
Possum
Opossum
gluing
Mischievous
Self-conscious
Labeled
Mislabeled
Overestimated
Underestimated
shoulder blade
Achy
Scavenging
Caviar
Reupholstered
Paperweight

Strange, yes? I remember what some of them relate back to; when it comes right down to it, they're just a bunch of average words that I should be confident about using correctly. Wow, it's beginning to look like I have a lot of time on my hands.

Little Kids ROCK

I just came home to this sweet letter. No, my new friendship with the Postman hasn't won me the privilege of mail on Sunday, I just don't get much mail so I only discovered this letter today. In case you can't tell, it's from my Fairy God-daughter, Sammie, and it says:

I like your bracelet

Steph

fish

seal

Steph out in the Ocean

Thank You

Tracie, you tell Sammie she is very welcome and that I really liked her letter and I'm putting it up on my fridge.

Alfred Hitchcock & boobs

It's obvious I am in love with my new camera...well, 'love' really isn't the word, obsessed would be more accurate. Thursday night, after half-priced margaritas, that obsession caused me to take pictures of my roommate and I laughing on the floor (after I flashed her when she busted in while I was putting on my PJs). She bears a strong resemblance to Alfred Hitchcock in this one, don't you agree?

Ah, post margarita/T-bell drunkenness...

Oh yeah, and we were somewhat elated with the discovery that our hall light looks like a boob. Maturity = not something we strive for in our apartment.

Crafts, Free Time, & Unemployment

It seems I experience a creative drought when it comes to making adult jewelry. I'll get out all of my beads, wire, and tools and then just feel way overwhelmed by all of the options; totally unable to come up with any appealing combinations (kind of similar to my job search, or lack there of..) Luckily, I am still able to create pieces for my Fairy God-daughter, Sammie.

I trekked into my old job today to deliver these goods to my old boss (Sammie's Mom) and to go to lunch with Tracie and Margaret -- fortunately she has forgiven me for the post-its incident. It was great to catch up with them and great to get outta the house too. Since it was so sunny and nice out I even decided to continue my walk home and I ended up at the lake, the terrace, and the capital.

I got to thinking on my walk about the last time I truly felt like I had time to myself, without school and/or work. The only times I could think of were days when I skipped school or work! TOTALLY FREE DAYS to do with whatever I pleased. I sensed, at this point, that I was losing my focus as my only real task right now should be thinking about finding a job. Why was it so easy to be distracted from this? I wondered. I thought about applying for shitty part-time jobs in high school -- was I excited then, or at least motivated? I suppose I thought "This job will only be temporary, because I'll go to college and then I'll be able to get a job I actually want to do" BACK THE TRUCK UP. Apparently, looking for a job I actually want to do is far too ambitious, which probably has a lot to do with why I'm just not that pumped about it. I keep thinking "Hmm, well could I stand to do that job?" or "Maybe, I could pretend to want that position."

Even though I'm enjoying every second of my unemployment (I do have one more paycheck and the biggest tax return I've ever had coming my way, which certainly helps) I resolved at the end of my walk to put more effort into finding a job (maybe even one I'll like). Thus, after greeting the Postman on the way into my building I turned to him and asked:

Do you mind if I ask you a strange question?

No, of course not, there are no strange questions.

Do you like your job?

We ended up chatting for 20 minutes and it was probably one of the better conversations I've had about job hunting. Not sure I have a clearer impression of what the hell I'm going to do with myself but I do feel more inspired to investigate this whole job/future thing -- wish me luck!

The Feet Series

Ocean Feet

Shiny Happy Beach Feet

Hammock Feet

Infinity Pool Feet

Drunk Feet

Sad Last Sunset Feet

When I'm exploring by myself I take 80 out of 99 pictures of the sunset, it seems, but I also found that, other than the scenery, I could use my feet as subjects (with a little help from tequila). Not only that, I also rather like my feet, they're kinda pretty and they're useful for picking up things. The barbie hieroglyphic design was holding up well, so I thought what the hey!

Now that you're all Six Feet Up on my glorious vacation, I think I'll go back to posting about the present. Obviously, I absolutely loved Puerto Vallarta and if you ever get the opportunity to go you'd be crazy not to.

Somewhere over Mexico..

...is where I feel like my soul is still traveling

A plane's eye view

I've talked about this feeling before, where my soul can't quite keep up with the modern world and it travels back a little slower than my body. I think my level of distraction is partly due to that ;) Well, I've finally unpacked and I'm going to shake the sand from my suitcase outside once I put on real clothes -- I forgot what a pain they are and how quickly I get used to swimsuits and skirts.

~~~

It's so funny how I felt like I was on Spring Break for adults, couples, and families. We met a lot of genuinely cool people, but we still referred to them by defining qualities as we rarely exchanged names, "Oh there's our Michigan guy!" we'd say, or "Looks like Barbie and Skipper bought matching dresses" "Ooo, our Canadians are getting burnt over there" "Weren't those girls from Valentine's Day dinner nice?" Speaking of, I was actually looking forward to spending Valentine's Day with my parents. For starters, they are the cutest couple on the planet, but they don't rub it in your face AND neither of them really cared about Valentine's Day anyway. In fact, by the end of the night we had shortened our commemoration of the holiday by just saying "Happy VD!" which we all found pretty amusing.

Yes, that is a coconut with liquor in it = YUM

One thing I did fail to realize, though, was that an all-inclusive resort is kind of like a cruise ship in that they want everyone to be one, big, happy family and thus, do everything together. So, there was a lavish, red & white, dinner celebration that we couldn't avoid on Valentine's Day. Regardless of the day, it was entertaining. They had a cabaret-esque show, and a cute staffer dressed as cupid sat down next to me at one point, somewhat startling me. Of course, the food & drinks alone would have been enough to make it bearable.

Ha, the best part about Valentines Day, occurred on the day after when Mom and I were taking our morning stroll on the beach surveying the remnants from the night before:

Mom: Oh for Heaven's Sake...there was a condom on the beach back there!

Me: Oh for Heaven's Sake!

Mom: I know, and it had a red thing tied to it..(???)

Me: (pause) Mom! That wasn't a condom, that was the balloons from last night...remember the hundreds of red and white balloons tied together?

Mom: Ohh, ha! Good thing.

Me: Jeesh. I wonder what else you misinterpret when I'm not around.

tropical paradise

This is where we set up for our last sunset in Puerto Vallarta. We were so spoiled with loungers, chairs, drink tables, drink waiters, and fresh towels. I had to plop down on the sand a couple times just to keep it real.
This guy had one too many Coronas I'd say.

We saw a couple guys like this due to the strong waves we had there, we also body surfed near a sizeable sting ray, watched whales from the shore, and were entertained by black birds snacking on sugar packets and stealing drinks from the feet-washing faucets.
This picture just gives a glimpse of how strong the waves were and how delusional I am about my stick body and strength. The last time we took out the boogie boards I was unprepared for the size of the waves and instead of surfing on them, the waves bent my legs up and pancaked me. I think my feet were close to my face at that time (and yes, I am still trying to clean all the sand off of my body).Sometimes I need a reminder that I should respect the power of the ocean and a little caution is smart now and then, standing there at sunset though it's hard to think of anything but how gorgeous it is and how lucky I am.

Puerto Vallarta

Ah, the first of many...

When we arrived they handed us all a glass of champagne and said "Welcome Home" -- that was the first experience which made me question whether I would ever leave...

..and this was another.

Even this view from our room couldn't keep us there. I kept telling my Dad "We're retired Dad! Mom has to go back, but really we could stay.." It didn't work.

I can't believe I had my feet in the ocean yesterday. I didn't cry when we left like Jamaica, however, coming back to a ton of snow and record low temperatures couldn't be more depressing. Glad I had your B-day to celebrate Beck

Stay tuned for more pictures (The Feet Series) and stories about our trip. Maybe I'll even share the fun that was our Valentine's Day! It is good to be back, funny though, I didn't even miss the internet (that much), or my cell phone (big shocker).

Oh Mexico!

Can't wait to see this --

and this --

Ok, these are both pictures from Jamaica (2004), still, it's THE OCEAN!! I can't wait to get there. You all know I'd post from Mexico if at all possible, but most likely, you'll have to wait until next Saturday. A WEEK WITHOUT INTERNET = Ah! I'll be back on Friday - Happy Pre-Birthday Beck - I'll call when I get in. Love ya, miss ya, have a great week.

Ahhhh! (Part 2)

I GOT A NEW CAMERA!!! It was sad to say goodbye to the ole A60, but I am so proud to welcome my new Power Shot A520, I am a stickler for Canons as they are the best. I'm posting the obligatory self-portrait, always the first picture, of course. I tried to find my self-portrait from my A60, three years ago, apparently I thought it was too ridiculous to save. Hmm, things have changed.

FUN. Can't wait to take this baby to Mexico!

Ahhhh!

I'm a very happy girl, but my camera is broke as a joke! I would have to pay about $100 to fix my camera, however, my field correspondent (aka. "Retired Dad") tells me that it is not wise to replace a camera that is 3 years old and it wouldn't cost a helluva lot more to just get a new one.

SO I'M GOING TO GO BUY A NEW DIGICAM!! WOO HOO!! Oh yay, I'm too excited -- hopefully I'll be back later to post some pics with My New Camera!! AHHHH

...hope everything is compatible with my POS computer.

but I'm RETIRED!

Yep, that's right, not "unemployed" or "trying to decide what to do with my life" just plain ole retired, for this week and next week. I guess having The Pneumonia and going to Mexico makes a person feel that way = YOU'LL HAVE THAT. Anyway, I went to visit my old job today, only partly because I missed them (ok, mostly because I missed them and they missed me, but ALSO because I had to return Margie's bowl from the Texas Caviar she made me on my last day), well they put me to work! See Margaret was out of the office for the afternoon which always means PROJECT :) Two Summers ago Tracie and I wrote variations of Margie's name on a brick we found and put it in the middle of her office (think: giant, ugly, paperweight), then last Summer we reupholstered her couch with masking tape, an office stapler, and purple crushed velvet. It was lovely, so lovely, in fact, that she kept it that way. This time we got our idea from a forward of all sorts of things you can do to your coworker's space while their away:

That is pretty similar to how the finished product looked, however, for ours we went out and bought NEON colored post-its in yellow, pink, green, and orange, 400 in all. Good thing Margie doesn't sign my timesheet anymore! ...Ooo, hopefully my last one was approved already, damn hindsight. I wish I had a picture to share, Tracie might try to get one tomorrow before Margie sees it.

Speaking of pictures -- MY CAMERA IS IN THE SHOP! It sounds like life & death folks. After diligent investigations it appears one of the prongs in the camera card slot is bent = WTF?!?! If they can unbend it, then $20+ :-D If it snaps off, then my camera is royally fucked + :-(

I will know after 10am tomorrow, then I will be a very happy girl or a very sad girl.

The only picture I have of you

is one with your eyes closed

Well, it's about that time of year again where I choose to get my heart broken...by the same guy, no less. Yes, it seems the first time wasn't quite painful enough. Lucky for me, that isn't going to happen this year. For starters, I don't believe he lives in this state anymore (THERE IS A GOD), and I will be leaving for my tropical vacation where I highly doubt I'll have the misfortune of running into him for the 3rd year in a row -- if fate really is that cruel, surely one of us will have to die -- not to mention the fact that ISHOULDFRICKINKNOWBETTERBYNOWHAVEINOTLEARNEDANYTHING

Happy February you A-hole. I hope this is the last year I remember you.

(Jimmy Eat World, created Feb 2005)

Some songs just get me, and continue torturing me.

The Pneumonia

I have Pneumonia...and I'm using my parent's dial-up internet -- not sure which is worse. No, obviously the Pneumonia wins, but after a full day of potent meds I'm actually feeling much better. Although it took two visits to Urgent Care, they finally caught it which is a very good thing because I have a tropical vacation to go on in less than a week! Chest x-rays are crazy, you have to put your chin in this thing and breath and then throw your arms above your head and breath, all the while feeling like shit and wearing an ugly, sad, excuse for a robe. Kinda crazy to see my lungs, ribs, and heart though. It really shoots my belief that I'm made of metal all to hell (I like to think that because organs and innards totally gross me out). Anyway, the silver lining of all of this is that I don't have to decide what I'm going to do with my life for another two whole weeks now = JOY. Who knows, maybe I'll just decide not to return from Mexico, ha. Can't tell if I'm joking or serious, huh? Me neither.

transitions

Me being harassed at work, by Emily (2003)

Fred (my 100% pure rubberband ball), Fred Jr, and the mysterious Wilma.

So tomorrow is my last day at work. Not only is my throat still sore; now, I have a lump in my throat, as well. Speaking of which, I should get my lumpy, sore, throat to bed because I have a BIG day tomorrow. I've known (planned for) this day, yet I still can't really grasp that it's almost here. If you couldn't tell by the smile on my face, or from my cherished rubberband balls, I truly enjoyed my job. Whether we were scavenging the streets for 35 cent pop, or actually working we always made it fun. I feel so lucky to have had the chance to meet and know so many wonderful people -- they are my Work Family. Therefore, I just have to remember that I'll forever know where they are, and after FOUR YEARS together, it should be easy to find them. Ok, swigging some cough syrup and going to bed before I get weepy on my keyboard. G'night.

I'm all hopped up on cough syrup

On "National Shoulder-blade Appreciation Day," no less. I made up that holiday a year ago, sitting in the last row of my Soc Theory class, obviously paying attention...well at least to the attractive shoulder-blades in front of me! Anyway, being sick just sucks. I couldn't sleep last night (chills/fever/achy combo) so I finally got up to take some drugs and watch TV. I just couldn't listen to my thoughts for one more second, ya' know? I'd even started chanting swear words "fuck!..shit!..dick!..bitch!" I think the fever induced hallucinations were getting to me. You wouldn't believe what you can watch now at 2 in the morning, since my last bout of insomnia things have really improved -- I watched a documentary on Late in Life Lesbians and a replay of Jamie Foxx on Leno. Still, at 3am things seem to hit a wall, THANK GOD FOR ON DEMAND. A couple minutes into Dodgeball and the medicine kicked in and had me drooling like a baby fast asleep. I just can't believe that I made it all the way through January feeling great (the warm temps and rollerblading helped, I'm sure) only to start February off feeling destroyed and weeping at the drop of a hat. I'm hoping to be completely over that, as this is my last week of work. Not only would I like to show up for it, but it'd be nice to end on a positive note seeing as working there has been a great experience and it will be hard enough to say goodbye to the people who have become such a big part of my life over the past four years.

Ok, before I get too sentimental, I best go resume my position on the couch. I'm feeling rather warm at the moment, so perhaps my fever is breaking = YEAH! Go away cold, don't you know I have things to do?