nervous

Usually, I think I'm invincible, not really afraid of a lot. Tonight, well tonight was scary -- it started with me not noticing the guy appear 20 paces behind me, and then me proceeding to run down the wrong street and have to back-track, that didn't help. Truly though, it totally made me freak when I was running into my parking lot and I could see my shadow and I thought what would I do if I saw someone running up behind my shadow? What would I do, me with my weaponish-house-keys in one hand and my trusty cell phone in the other? The answer = I'd shit myself, that's all. I wouldn't gauge his eyes out, blood spurting everywhere. I wouldn't call 911 or scream because I would've already swallowed my breath, my voice, my soul. I liked it better when I felt like The Safest Girl in the World walking home at 4AM. I mean 4+ years, and counting, of journeying home at the early hours of the morning and never coming across anything worse than a possum... what the fuck would you believe?

4:47PM

I think I'm paranoid

I HAVE DECIDED TO ADD AN ADDENDUM TO THIS POST. PART OF ME THINKS I SHOULD JUST DELETE IT ENTIRELY AS IT IS RIDICULOUS AND IRRATIONAL, BUT I DO ALSO SEE THE HILARIOUSNESS OF IT, AND THUS I WILL SIMPLY ADD THIS COMMENT. I FAILED TO MENTION HOW NOT ONLY WAS I FREAKED OUT ABOUT SOMEONE RUNNING UP BEHIND MY SHADOW, BUT, THE SITUATION WORSENED AS I PROCEEDED TO RUN INSIDE MY BUILDING, WAIT TO CHECK FOR PEOPLE CHASING ME, PULL THE DOOR CLOSED TIGHTLY BEHIND ME, LOOK OUT EVERY WINDOW ON THE WAY UP THE STAIRS, AND I EVEN CONTEMPLATED GOING UP A FEW FLOORS TO TAKE THE ELEVATOR DOWN TO MY FLOOR, JUST IN CASE SOMEONE OUTSIDE WAS WATCHING TO SEE WHAT FLOOR I WENT TO FROM THE STAIRWELL. AGAIN, RIDICULOUS, I KNOW, BUT I BLAME ALL OF THIS ON THE DRINKING AND WHAT-HAVE-YOU AND FIND IT ALL VERY FUNNY NOW.