I didn't get pepper-sprayed!

Not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited about that. I have yet to learn about the outcome of Madison Halloween 2005, but it is safe to say -- I had an excellent (pepper spray free) time. I was a little nervous about being on State Street this year. It's so weird because I've never been afraid of people (so-called rioters) on Halloween; this year, however, I was a little bit petrified on State Street due to all of the policemen. I wish I could get over that. I don't know if it's something you really get over though, having policemen who have 100% anonymity surprise attack you with no retaliation possible.

I can't believe it's already been a year...guess I'm just not over it

UPDATE: THIS DRUNK BLOGGING THING, I TELL YOU, I JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT. CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT THE "OVERALL OUTCOME" OF HALLOWEEN THIS YEAR.

bukkake

Yeah, so this is what you're left with after Sarah comes to visit! Nice isn't it? I leave her alone for 1 minute and then I go back into the living room and I come across this. She truly has artistic talent - hahahaha!

Well, we had a blast last night, as I'm sure you can tell from the following pics, and tonight we're going to do it all again (...maybe not ALL of it, te he he).

I put myself in Sarah-the-Sexy-Ref's hands last night and she turned me into Barbie (of all people!). It was actually a lot of fun, I got over trying to do the whole high-pitched voice thing pretty quick though, not like I can compete with Sarah in that respect anyway.

Tonight, Barbie Steph and Sarah the Sexy Ref are being retired. I am insisting on wearing an old Sorceressish dress/cape thing, but I am giving Rah permission to make my REAL hair pink and Sarah is going to be a 60s Go-Go Girl. It should be lots of trouble, of course.

Oh Mikey

I saw Mikey on campus today for the first time this year, and I was exceptionally happy to see him. I couldn't quite figure out why that was, but then Mikey said:

"Yeah, so, um... was I supposed to meet up with you guys on Saturday night?"

(gasp!) "Yes you were you asshole!!)

I said, as I started punching him and yelling about how it was good to see him alive, and in one piece, blah blah bastard. I explained that we could see him standing outside of the bar we were at Saturday night and that upon speaking with him, on the phone, we had the impression that he would be joining us. After about a half hour and no Mikey I got worried and called his phone a few times to no avail.

As it turns out, Mikey doesn't remember anything about the end of Saturday night. He woke up, in his car (luckily in the parking lot of McDonald's where he had parked it SOBER the previous day). His driver's side window was completely rolled down, thus the man sweeping the parking lot had woken him up, and there was a half-eaten McChicken in his lap!

A little too much Game Day fun for Mikey...

I should be working on my midterm..

I'm such an idiot. I was supposed to drop the second credit (because I don't want/need it), for this crummy online course I'm in, by the 1st of October. Yeah, well I didn't do it, and now I have to run all over campus getting signatures TO GET A FRICKIN TWO-CREDIT CLASS DOWN TO ONE-CREDIT (two credits = paper, one credit = no paper). Oh, and I just found out that there's a midterm for that course that I have to complete by next Tuesday = good to know! I could blame my behavior as of late on the fact that this is my LAST SEMESTER (Senioritis) or maybe that midterms are freaking me out, however, I am actually trying this semester (I only go out 2 to 4 nights per week!) and midterms don't freak me out (though I'm not a big fan of papers...).

So basically I'm confused. Do I want to graduate, or don't I? Do I give a shit about school, or don't I? Should I be drinking more and thinking less?

(SIDE NOTE: Kids, I really miss two years ago (my Junior year) Wednesday night drunks, not caring and still getting the grades, having lots of people to play with, The Future only going as far as the next Wednesday night... WHEN THE FUCK DID I GROW UP?)

Some Fav Wednesday Nights

Halloween is THIS weekend?

I can't exactly pinpoint what it is this year -- I am just not feeling Halloween. I've had to keep reminding myself this week that it's almost here, and I'll admit, I'm a little apprehensive about the whole thing.

In remembrance of Halloween 2004, I am posting the paper I wrote for my criminology class, last year, on my State Street Experience. Yeah, I edited a few things, and originally I planned on also posting the pictures I talk about in it, but I realize I don't know a lot of the people in them (thus, I lack their consent somewhat) and I think you can get a pretty good idea of them from what I wrote anyway.

(TO READ ABOUT CARLY & ME BEING PEPPER SPRAYED SCROLL TO THE THIRD TO LAST PARAGRAPH designated with * )

Halloween (Participation) Observation Assignment

As a UW-Madison student, in my fourth year, I have always been involved in the State Street Halloween festivities. My typical Halloween weekend usually consists of: dressing up, getting together with friends, and eventually heading down to State Street to observe the spectacle that brings thousands of people to Madison every Halloween. As a Sociology major, and a State Street Halloween veteran, I was eagerly anticipating the opportunity to observe interactions between Halloween participants, and of course, police officers. Nonetheless, I had no idea when I signed up for this project, that not only would I observe many notable aspects of crowd/riot behavior, but that I would also become much more of a participant than I had ever intended. In this assignment I will focus on my observations from both Friday and Saturday; and I will detail how drastically different the two nights were -- in terms of events, moods, and overall outcomes.

Friday night, I started making my way to State Street at around 10:30pm. It was just starting to sprinkle when we got there, but there still seemed to be plenty of party-goers out and about. The first two pictures I took Friday to demonstrate a bit of social norm violation. To quote the article on Mardi Gras, "Intoxication, or the appearance of intoxication... confers a degree of immunity for the foolish conduct... It also serves as a ready excuse for unacceptable behavior" (pg. 28). I found this remark to be incredibly pertinent, not only to the subjects of my pictures but also to my actions of taking promiscuous snap shots of strangers doing somewhat obscene things. The couple in the first picture were kissing on the street and I simply asked if I could take a picture of them. The guy seemed skeptical at first (attempting to exert some social control over his counterpart), however, (though my flash was a little belated) they actually did agree to keep making out on my behalf. I found it interesting that the female was the one to agree and persuade in this situation. I noticed that even though males are typically blamed for causing altercations on Halloween, females also participate in "wild" behaviors that they would not necessarily participate in, in normal settings.

Which brings me to the second picture for Friday night - this young woman was wearing an ensemble that was quite risqué. Judging by past experiences, this type of attire is common for females on Halloween, it is almost a Halloween social norm. Costumes on Halloween, however sparse they may be, provide Halloween goers with a sense of anonymity and thus, permission to wear what they wear and act how they act. Once again, from my participation, I found that it was quite easy for me to infringe on my subjects personal space - another example of a social norm violation.

I could say that the third picture from Friday night is just another example of a couple "violating norms," but to be quite honest, I was not immediately sure where/how it was that I took this picture... I could say that this is because this is a newly built structure, though, it probably had something to do with alcohol consumption. Luckily, while standing on the street recently, I realized that the two subjects of this picture were hanging out in one of the new bus stop shelters on State Street! This is relevant to my observations because the left side of the picture shows a divider on the bench. My assumption is that the city placed seemingly unnecessary dividers on the shelter benches to discourage (homeless/drunk) people from sleeping on them. Obviously, this architectural addition did not dissuade these two from doing whatever they were doing there.

Another architectural feature this Halloween was the $16,000 stadium lights brought in attempt to deter riot activity, hindsight seems to say they were not effective overall. In fact, according to an article on Channel3000.com, one UW student who filmed parts of the weekend stated, "By putting the stadium lighting on one block of State Street, it gave people the common knowledge of where to be," mayor Cieslewicz consented saying, "We will re-evaluate the lights. Even the police were unsure how helpful the lights were." Year after year, the city of Madison makes new efforts to deal with the Halloween melee. This year the damage to property was significantly less then previous years, though personally, I would not say that the Halloween control tactics created a successful end result. Which leads me to my last picture from Friday night - this picture depicts two cheery officers and my friend Carly. I find this picture amusing considering the shift in interaction, which Carly and I were part of, with policemen on Saturday night.

The central difference, from my vantage point, from Friday to Saturday was the change in mood for Halloween goers and policemen. What is it that changes happy-go-lucky, playful, partiers into destructive, disgraceful rioters and friendly, easygoing policemen into angry, pepper-spray crazy antagonists? Two, chaos contributing, factors could have been the weather and the time change. Many people might have spent much more time on State Street Friday night had it not down poured, and Saturday night bar patrons had an extra hour of drinking due to daylight savings. Nevertheless, I perceived Saturday night's energy level to be higher on all accounts, which it typically is. Saturday night I started out at a party and headed to State Street at around 11pm. My first picture depicts a young man dressed up as a blow up doll. I found this character humorous, though I could see him being viewed as lewd or obscene. Still, the most controversial costume I came across was a person dressed as a Ku Klux Klan member. I saw him from behind and thought "whoa, that is so not ok" yet, upon seeing his face I discovered he was an African American, which usually prompted people at the party to be fine with his costume. Even so, I could not help wondering if his race really did make his norm violation acceptable. Not only were the costumes more intense Saturday night but the crowd was as well. The rest of the pictures I took that night only give a glimpse of what it was actually like on State Street.

* There was an increase in stranger interactions taking place as we walked down from the 400 block to the 500 block, where we took a break at The Pub. We took a picture with a girl dressed as a Miller Highlife can and there is a guy behind us with his hands up yelling simply for the sake of being a stranger's picture. There is also a man in the last picture who is standing on a garbage can to capture his own shot of the Halloween phenomenon. The last picture of the random people shows how the crowd was flowing, in an orderly fashion, in the direction we were headed (towards campus). No one seemed to object to any of the out-of-the-ordinary occurrences, everyone just followed the unspoken rules of acting a little idiotic and performing as a crowd by moving along, for the most part smoothly, in close quarters. When bar time rolled around I was naive enough to think that crowd harmony had persisted while we were at The Pub and we would be perfectly safe to walk back down State Street to get to Carly's house on Mifflin Street. Little did I know, a few former Halloween goers had turned into destructive rioters and were lighting things on fire on the 600 block - the opposite direction from where we were headed, interestingly. It was at that moment that the head-to-toe riot gear, brigade of policemen were called in to "subdue" the crowd. Subdue they did, anything and everyone (including Carly and myself) with massive amounts of pepper spray. The policemen gave no attention to our welfare after we were knocked down and seriously disoriented from the pepper spray; separating us from each other and steering me into the direction of the rioters.

Before, I discussed the anonymity Halloween goers feel from being in costume, which allows them to feel perfectly sound in participating in behavior they would not otherwise participate in. There is a diffusion of responsibility which can be applied to the people who were being destructive it also applies to the actions of the policemen. Marching towards us in their identical ensembles, as they were, completely covered, faces hidden, policemen whose purpose is to serve and protect the innocent were blinded by the situation they were in when they blinded innocent bystanders. Professor Philip G. Zimbardo's Stanford Prison study is an excellent example of how upstanding people can do horrific things to harmless subjects, when influenced by the situational norms of groups, that they would never do alone. When I watched the video of the prison study, I was particularly reminded of my Halloween experience when the assigned "guards" were spraying the assigned "prisoners" with a fire extinguisher. The students who participated in the study had assumed their roles and fervently executed the supposed "laws" of their groups. Exactly like the policemen, who under normal circumstances would (hopefully) not wish to harm peaceful bystanders. On Halloween, because of the actions of a few from the Halloween goers group, the policemen did not see Carly and me as anything other than rioters that they were on a mission to contain, at all costs.

Overall, I participated in a lot more than I had planned on for my Halloween observation assignment. From discussing social control, group norms and diffusion of responsibility I have a much greater understanding of the actions of not only Halloween rioters, but Halloween policemen. There are many situations in which people can be well prepared for, although when social influences are present even highly trained individuals can fall victim to irrational behavior. Even after going through what I experienced, I am the first to admit that I do not know how to eliminate riots on Halloween. I do know, however, that if I come back next year, I will probably only come for Friday night!

Sources:
Mardi Gras Article - Rocky L. Sexton
http://www.channel3000.com/
Zimbardo Stanford Prison Study

* Just a note: I did attend a post-Halloween assembly which only served to confirm my defense that Carly and I were not doing anything that warranted being pepper sprayed. Numerous people attended the meeting to voice their disgust with how things were handled -- I left when things became really bitter, believe it or not, I wasn't there to be bitter.

an article I liked

CNN.com TECHNOLOGY Where are your wireless manners?

Here are some of my favorite parts:

Honore Ervin, co-author of "The Etiquette Grrls: Things You Need to Be Told." "Just because it's there at your disposal, doesn't mean you have to use it 24/7."

(Yes, one I am guilty of... but sometimes I just HAVE to tell someone I love something!)

The worst habit? Loud phone conversations in public places, or "cell yell," according to 72 percent of the Americans polled.

(I love my Mom & Dad, but I seriously hold the phone away from my face when talking to them. I know I'm worried about going deaf, I can only imagine what the people around them are thinking)

Ervin said. "At the movies -- turn off your cell phone. I don't want to pay $10 to be sitting next to some guy chitchatting to his girlfriend on his cell phone."

(AND, for that matter, in lectures people, honestly! I have yet to be that girl and I don't think that I'm immune to it, but if it gets to the point where I can't handle the responsibility I'll leave my phone at home GOD SAVE ME)

She also cites the growing complaints by her readers and friends of cell phone use at events such as church services, funerals or school graduations, "and that's just wrong," she said.

This rudeness has deteriorated public spaces, according to Lew Friedland, a communications professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. He calls the lack of manners a kind of unconscious rudeness, as many people are not aware of what they're doing or the others around them.

-- That is SO true. It's not that I thought (prior to having a cell phone) that cell phone people were jerks. I was simply baffled that they didn't realize when/where/how it was appropriate to use their cell phones. As a frequent user now, I have a better understanding of the appeal of using your cell phone anytime you want to, nonetheless, I'm still trying to have some perspective about what might be considered inconvenient, annoying, or just plain rude.

When I think about relationships...

..I feel suffocated before I can even take a deep breath. Yes, that goes the same for Winter, change, and The Future. So, basically I hyperventilate ALL OF THE TIME.

10:15pm UPDATE -- I should really modify the above statement. I don't hyperventilate (interesting word to type when you're drunk at 2:30 in the morning, by the way) about any of that, because I avoid thinking about it. Which, yes, works quite nicely most of the time, however, I was posed a question that made me think about one of the above and, thus, was freaking out a little bit. So there. I am working on a breathalizer for my computer. I've been enjoying all of the drunk dialing = much fun, but my constant connection to the internet calls for more control than I am currently capable of :)

(This blog has become much more personal than I ever agreed to, but I'm OK with that -- are you?) rhetorical question

Our TV screams at us

For real, the damned thing gives us about a half hour before it starts screeching. The only way to get it to stop the ear-piercing squelch (as Amanda likes to call it, we have many names for it) is to turn it off for a couple of minutes, during commercials of course. Fortunately, I have become an expert at precisely timing the length of commercials, however, now Amanda and I must actually talk to each other for these brief moments (conversation!?! say it aint so!) Here is my favorite convo from tonight's Break from the Squelch/Steph and Amanda Visit time:

Is he cute?

Oh yeah.

Well there you go..

...but I think he might be too nice

Oh God Forbid!

Well I mean, that could imply a number of things! Like he might have another girlfriend, oops..ha

(laughter)

another girlfriend huh? Freudian Slip!

Total Freudian Slip. Another girlfriend -- cuz obviously I'm his first girlfriend, hahaha! No, but seriously, he might have a girlfriend, or, he might be too nice, in like an annoying way

(skeptical look)

for instance, this class we're in, he's like really dedicated to the assignments, always putting in a lot of effort, and that could get annoying.

Right, cuz it would just be awful if he was into the class and, I don't know, studious..

EXACTLY!

One of these things is not like the others

One of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell which thing is not like the others, by the time I finish my song? (Gotta love Sesame Street) Ok, well, I'll give you a hint -- IT'S THE FRICKIN GREEN TREE!! Need a closer look? Here:

This tree has been puzzling me for the past 5 YEARS. I first started noticing it on my walks to and from class freshman year. All of the other Purple Autumn Ash trees (or Autumn Purple Ash, whatever) in this particular row change color in the fall, go figure! But not this one, same thing every year, green as a goblin and I just can't figure out why. No, I haven't checked to see for sure if this is, indeed, a Purple Autumn Ash and thus should turn purple-ashy in the autumn, though I'm pretty sure it is... and No, I don't remember if it does ever turn, I do know all of the leaves fall off eventually, it's bizarre. Any ideas?

delayed bonfire withdrawal

I decided to stay at my parent's house last night. My mom wanted me to watch Desperate Housewives with her, which meant I'd have to stay for Gray's Anatomy, and I realized that if I went all the way back to my apartment after that, I'd have half-a-closet's worth of laundry to put away... I just wasn't up to it. My parents went to bed at around 10:30, once I had stopped harassing them, and I slipped into some old, beloved, PJs (pajamas so old and hideous I've never taken them from my mom and dad's house) and retired downstairs for some nice couch & TV time. I found an interesting documentary which captured my attention, but I kept constantly looking out the window at how bright it was. At the next commercial break, I forced myself to go outside for a little stroll.
The moon was absolutely beautiful. Even though I know I've seen (and stayed up for) MANY nights like last night, I was still amazed by how light it was out. I could see every house and yard in the neighborhood! I hung out for a minute to take in the scene; maybe it was just a memory-scent but I thought I could smell bonfire on the breeze and it reminded me again how bad I want to have/go to a bonfire. It's been years.

So, the point of this whole thing is -- I know I'm a city girl now, but I don't want to be deprived of some of my favorite activities which make Wisconsin bearable. Thus, if you or anyone you know is going to have a bonfire, please let me know. (That also goes for anyone who has a porch or a deck they want to sit on. I'll even bring my own blanket, hot cocoa, and peppermint schnapps!)

I love surprises

I was not in a going-out-mood last night (post-concert recovery, from 10 hours of drinking etc, was taking a lot), yet, had I stayed in I would've missed one of the best nights EVER. After hearing about it, I probably would have told myself that "it was just one night" and "no big deal," but that would have just been something to file under a load of crap I tell myself to stave off utter disappointment. Anyway, I put off fully getting ready until I knew there was a solid plan. I thought I could actually resist going out if it didn't seem like a big deal. Fact is, I could not, no matter what, truthfully. Tiffy said the crew was getting together at her and Carly's place, and even though I see a lot of these kids.. I really do miss them even when it's only been less than a week!

Tiff and I stopped to get some liquor, I decided on the new Bud Light Aluminum Bottles (Beck, I thought of you cuz I wanted a High Life 40ozer -- I don't know if I was just blind, but I could not find the F-ing Forties! Not conducive to "taking it easy" anyway). We played some drinking games, once there were enough people over; I was still having trouble finding my drinking face. Then the Beer Bong came out, no I didn't do one, (huh, it's been a while) though it did make me perk up a little watching Carls stand on the counter while Tiff crouched on the floor to make their ridiculously long beer bong function.

We were having fun and I was starting to get into my party mode when Tiff and Carly began acting very strangely. Tiff disappeared for a moment and when she returned Carly asked "Is it all set?" Tiff replied, with a huge grin on her face, "Yep, it's ready!" Then the girls grabbed a cd player and rounded up all 13 of us to announced that we must take some beverages and follow them. Surprised that the girls had been keeping a secret from me and excited about whatever that secret might be I eagerly followed them and the troops onto the elevator.

The Big Secret, was a three level event room on the top of their building, with two nice balconies overlooking the city. I couldn't have been more pleased, immediately sizing up all of the possibilities! We explored for a bit and eventually gathered around the ping pong table for some Flip Cup. My day-long hangover instantly vanished, who can resist that kind of setup? My team won the first game but continually lost after that. Nonetheless, it was a blast.

We played until the beer ran out and it was time to hit the bars. Stopping at our favorite bar first, we ran into some old friends and I managed to drop and shatter a double gin & tonic before it left the bar (I switched to water after downing its replacement). Next, the call was made for some dancing, and much to my astonishment: everyone was down for it.

At the next bar, we danced our asses off, even Tiff & Dan were unexpected dance-enthusiasts. I ran into a cute Italian from one of my classes, super nice guy, and we even got Emily up for a little karaoke. We closed out the bar there and a few of us went back to Tiff & Carl's where Grant decided it was time for some of his fav documentary Spellbound. After some good laughs, and some delicious beef and veggie soup (Thanks Tiff!) I decided to make a night of it and stay with the girls. I proposed a Chili's trip for the morning, which didn't take any convincing, and the three of us rushed to go to bed because we were already craving Dr Peppers and bottomless chips and salsa.

Oh what a fun night! I dunno how tonight is going to live up to that... but I'm sure as hell going to try and find out :)

NIN

The concert was absolutely awesome. I really don't have much to say about it because it was indescribable, honestly. I know that a lot of people aren't into Nine Inch Nails, maybe you think they're too hard, or the only thing that comes to mind for you is songs like Head Like a Hole or Closer (I want to fuck you like an animal) which is fine, I guess -- it'd be weird if everyone truly got NIN, but I have to say, had I not gone to that concert I never would have felt that kind of energy anywhere for the rest of my life.

Oh, and I have to talk about the video-montage of scenes they did that blended from one scene to another. Like there was a scene with all of these birds flying that morphed into white-caps of ocean waves rolling in, and so on and so on; the most compelling scene was of a soldier holding a gun to a young girl's head. My first thought was, "Is that an American soldier??" and then I thought, "Does it even matter?.."

Just one more thing, actually take a look at some of the lyrics in their songs. If you can tell me you've honestly never felt some of those feelings then I guess you just live in a much different world than I do...

Just a reflection
Just a glimpse
Just a little reminder
Of all the what abouts
And all the might have
Could have beens
Another day
Some other way
But not another reason to continue
And now you’re one of us
The wretched
The hopes and prays
The better days
The far aways
Forget it, Forget it
It didn't turn out the way you wanted it to
It didn’t turn out the way you wanted it, did it?
(The Wretched)

I still recall the taste of my tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head ’till I don’t want to sleep anymore.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I’m down to just one thing.
And I’m starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn’t do the things that I can do now.
This is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
I just want something I can never have.

In this place it seems like such a same.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it’s still the same
Everywhere I look you’re all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.
(Something I Can Never Have)

i'm losing ground
you know how this world can beat you down
i'm made of clay
i fear i'm the only one who thinks this way
i'm always falling down the same hill bamboo puncturing this skin
and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall i'm drowning in
(I Do Not Want This)

TV turn-ons

I've definitely watched some interesting TV tonight -- 3 shows about tattoos (don't think I'll ever be into branding though), of course, my guilty pleasure Top Model, Bill Maher, and this Chris Angel is nuts, oh and the next season of Intervention is going to be powerful... hell, I might even know a few people who'd be good for it, ha = not funny, Ooo and Dirty Jobs is on next! Yes, I totally have a crush on Mike Rowe...

hibernation

What a beautiful evening for a walk. It's funny, because this is the first time today I've felt awake, myself, and slightly mischievous... though I can't quite discern why that is. I had to make an effort to slow my roll a couple of times so that I could enjoy the wind in the trees, the leaves swirling everywhere, the smell of Fall, the sound of the train, the window peeking -- the list could continue forever. I truly enjoyed being out there. Nonetheless, as much as I love Madison, and as much as I am apprehensive about leaving here, I have to admit that it hasn't gotten any easier for me to transition into cold, (and probably more significantly) dark weather.

According to the National Mental Health Association:

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) was first noted before 1845, but was not officially named until the early 1980s. As sunlight has affected the seasonal activities of animals (i.e., reproductive cycles and hibernation), SAD may be an effect of this seasonal light variation in humans. As seasons change, there is a shift in our biological internal clocks or circadian rhythm, due partly to these changes in sunlight patterns. This can cause our biological clocks to be out of step with our daily schedules... younger persons and women are at higher risk.

People afflicted with SAD typically find:

• full remission from depression occurs in the spring and summer months.
• symptoms have occurred in the past two years, with no nonseasonal depression episodes.
• seasonal episodes substantially outnumber nonseasonal depression episodes.
• a craving for sugary and/or starchy foods.

http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/27.cfm

A lot of this description applies to me; I'm starting to think I should seek out some light therapy! Usually, I feel like I don't need a lot of sleep, but today I took TWO naps - and seriously, I get plenty of sleep. Well, during the week at least. Anyway, I'm doing my best to like this whole Fall thing, but I just wanted people to know that if they feel like crap lately, for no good reason, they're not alone.

Oktoberfun

I kissed a hot Australian. Okay, so I know Carly and I have our rule about No Foreign Men (Jayna, it is not a prejudice thing, it's a we can't trust our use of the universal language around sexy accents thing), but I figured -- Hey, we're in La Crosse, my ladies will keep their eyes on me, and HE'S SO CUTE AND SUCH A GOOD DANCER. Ah, but that is only one of my many fun memories from our visit to LaX.

Our trip started off a little slowly yesterday; we had a few pit-stops to make before we really got on the road. Jayna's parent's house was one of those stops. They are selling their house and Jayna is experiencing the same bitter-sweet hell that I went through when my parent's sold my house, almost exactly four years ago... wow. I sent an email out at that time telling some of my good friends about selling the house and Jay sent me a response that I still have today

Steph - It is so funny how the loss of your house feels as if it is the loss of my own. I will never forget all of the good times we have shared there, from the first time over in the paddle boat to our pictures on the trampoline to taking quick drinks in your room to falling on your kitchen floor. It has definitely been my second home and my favorite... This next summer let's go on some trips, make some memories at the new house, and before that party together some too:) I can't wait to see you at the next chance.Your pal for life, Jayna

Man, just re-reading that email it's hard not to get weepy. Anyway, I knew I was going to get sentimental (Me?! NEVER) about Jayna's house from the moment we parked the car on the street and I felt like I was back in high school getting out of my little, blue, Nissan Sentra. Besides a few updates, Jay's house was EXACTLY how I remembered it. As we approached her room, I think I thought for a second that I would be stepping into her room from high school, that is why it took my breath away a little to see it so bare and lonely. Of course, Jayna's walls were still covered in scrolls of memories from our younger years and Carly got to be the last person to sign her infamous wall. I located and read all of the Jay and Steph stories and took one last look out her window. I know it's good for our parent's to live in places that are more suitable for them now, but I have to say that I had visions of coming back to our old homes, our old lives and always having that comfort of some things never changing.

Jayna's Trampoline - Jay, Steph, and Em. High School

Alright, on to La Crosse already! Jayna had custody of Carly and I for the afternoon/evening, but we stopped in to see Sarah working at the mall first, we all know I like stalking people, but I especially enjoy stalking my friends :) We crept into the store and I observed, "Sarah at work, look how she expertly handles the thong underwear..." After harassing Rah and re-caffeinating (pumpkin spice iced latte = DELICIOUS) we were finally off to Oktoberfest.

The grounds weren't very busy when we got there, which was surprising with the nice weather, perfect drinking outside temperature, so we went for a bloody mary in a local bar with lots of flavor, culture-wise AND bloody mary-wise. We did sit for a beer at the Oktoberfest grounds, but I think the three of us were anxious to visit together back at Jayna's while we got ready for the evening. Our wonderful hostess, made us the best white russians and actually grilled us some tasty teriyacki chicken. We had a great time chatting and being silly and before we knew it Rah was off work and she and herroommatee, Alison, were over to join us before we left for Jayna's boyfriend's (John) house.

As is tradition in LaX, we danced & drank the night away (which I am totally feeling today) and had a great time with the girls, Rah has hickeys the to prove it. We love you Rah, we just had to give you something to remember us by! Thanks again girls for everything (love you too Jay). Our visits go by so fast, but we know how to pack a lot of fun in.

evidence that I am still drunk

• I couldn't remember, initially, how I got home last night or what I did/ate upon arrival.
• I woke up TWO HOURS before my quiz so I could look over some things and decided having a solo dance party would be more fun.
• I walked around the living room BLINDS OPEN without pants on.
• I made faces and talked to myself in the mirror.
• I was thinking I might want to wear a hat for the walk to class, since I was wishing I had one yesterday (when it was a tiny bit warmer), but I opted to touch up my toenail polish and wear sandals instead!
• I had a Wilson Phillips song stuck in my head the whole way to class and they were NOT in my dance party mix... at least, I don't think they were.
• I forgot to bring a pop to work (HOW WILL I SURVIVE?!), however, I remembered a cookie!
• I have bright, pink eye-shadow on.

It's been a long time

Location: small classroom of about 15 students
Topic: conversation analysis
Mood: students just finished a rapid-surprise-quiz and are ignoring the professor out of spite.

Professor: "INTERCOURSE. There, now that is something I can say to get you all to wake up and pay attention!"

Class: "Ha ha..." (muffled, sarcastic laughter)

Me: (Sarcastic smile, raised eyebrows)

Smart-ass Student: "You're going to wake us up with INTERCOURSE?"

Class: "MWA Ha ha ha!" (real laughter followed by mock-disapproval expressions)

Me: (unexpected, LOUD burst of laughter, followed by inability to keep a straight face for ten minutes...)

masochist

Next time I wake up at 2:00 in the morning and decide to think about every "relationship" I've "had" in the past three years, IN EXCRUTIATING DETAIL, I think I'll just opt to amputate a toe or something, instead. It'd be much more quick and painless... probably allow me to fall back to sleep easier. Hhhh, and I didn't even need my records for this whole absurd process, probably due to the fact that I have so deligently recorded EVERYTHING. Ya know, I understand why people burn things they've written -- the whole thing is very appealing to me right now. Although, I suppose getting rid of the evidence wouldn't get rid of the memories.

Day Dreaming

I fell asleep on the hill today in the sunshine. It sounds quite pleasant, and it was! I was somewhat surprised, however... I thought the heat, light and wind would keep me from truly falling asleep as they have in the past -- I remember waking up before, while floating in the pool, thinking "WAIT. There's no wind like this in my bed!" and anyway, it shouldn't be so easy to sleep with grass matted to your legs, sun beaming down on you, and people walking and talking everywhere. I told myself I wouldn't fall asleep because I would just busy myself with analyzing something and that would keep me conscious. I somehow ended up thinking about the characters in the movie CLOSER (which I saw for the second time last night) and perhaps, when Jude Law and Clive Owen started talking to me I should've maybe thought I was dreaming! Ah, but no, it took the chiming of the clock tower to make me bolt upright and exclaim "Sonuvabitch!" in realization that my next class had just started. I don't like being late for class, but I do feel a sense of accomplishment that I fell asleep on Bascom Hill, if I had had it on my list of things to do in college, I would cross it off right now.

Campus Photo Library

nervous

Usually, I think I'm invincible, not really afraid of a lot. Tonight, well tonight was scary -- it started with me not noticing the guy appear 20 paces behind me, and then me proceeding to run down the wrong street and have to back-track, that didn't help. Truly though, it totally made me freak when I was running into my parking lot and I could see my shadow and I thought what would I do if I saw someone running up behind my shadow? What would I do, me with my weaponish-house-keys in one hand and my trusty cell phone in the other? The answer = I'd shit myself, that's all. I wouldn't gauge his eyes out, blood spurting everywhere. I wouldn't call 911 or scream because I would've already swallowed my breath, my voice, my soul. I liked it better when I felt like The Safest Girl in the World walking home at 4AM. I mean 4+ years, and counting, of journeying home at the early hours of the morning and never coming across anything worse than a possum... what the fuck would you believe?

4:47PM

I think I'm paranoid

I HAVE DECIDED TO ADD AN ADDENDUM TO THIS POST. PART OF ME THINKS I SHOULD JUST DELETE IT ENTIRELY AS IT IS RIDICULOUS AND IRRATIONAL, BUT I DO ALSO SEE THE HILARIOUSNESS OF IT, AND THUS I WILL SIMPLY ADD THIS COMMENT. I FAILED TO MENTION HOW NOT ONLY WAS I FREAKED OUT ABOUT SOMEONE RUNNING UP BEHIND MY SHADOW, BUT, THE SITUATION WORSENED AS I PROCEEDED TO RUN INSIDE MY BUILDING, WAIT TO CHECK FOR PEOPLE CHASING ME, PULL THE DOOR CLOSED TIGHTLY BEHIND ME, LOOK OUT EVERY WINDOW ON THE WAY UP THE STAIRS, AND I EVEN CONTEMPLATED GOING UP A FEW FLOORS TO TAKE THE ELEVATOR DOWN TO MY FLOOR, JUST IN CASE SOMEONE OUTSIDE WAS WATCHING TO SEE WHAT FLOOR I WENT TO FROM THE STAIRWELL. AGAIN, RIDICULOUS, I KNOW, BUT I BLAME ALL OF THIS ON THE DRINKING AND WHAT-HAVE-YOU AND FIND IT ALL VERY FUNNY NOW.